Reptiles

Reptiles

The lads next door to me who’s nicknames are “Pretty Boy,” and “Left Bollock,” are always messing about and trying to take the piss out of me so I decided to get my own back. Now when I say I decided to get my own back I mean that I would come up with a plan. I didn’t foresee the actual plan coming together but a flash of inspiration and an unlucky Rock Monitor settled the issue.

Rock Monitors as I have already found out are crafty little buggers and are slight of hand. I mean they will scrape you with your claws or bite you and won’t let go. They are the Pit bulls of the Lizard World and their bite will probably get infected because there are not exactly picky eaters! I had actually captured one when I did my dangerous snake handling course. He tried to bite me as well but I actually avoided his mouth but clocked a tree and some Acacia thorns instead. Not something I wanted to repeat.

To make a long story short. I was sitting in the back garden reading my book and minding my own business when a big Rock Monitor came lobbing along through the long grass in the back garden. (It’s not really a garden in the conventional sense)

The idea I had was to jump on it and hold onto it until I could cart him through my room and out to the door of the lad’s room that stay next door to me. The first part of the plan went well and I jumped on him and he missed me with his tail slashing. These can be quite painful as well. He tried to bite me and was making a great hissing sound. I would have scared a predator I’d imagine but not good auld Headlock. I carried the little monster through my room where my room mate “Special One,” was sitting on his bed watching another episode of Mash with his earphones in. He didn’t even notice the Monitor in my hand. Out the door with me and around the corner. All the while the Monitor was jiggling and hissing and generally making an awful racket. I got to the door and pushed the handle down ready to fling my captive onto the floor in the room and scare the shite out of the lads. Well of course the lads weren’t bleedin in and I’m standing there like a spare with a struggling Rock Monitor in my hand. I couldn’t believe my bad luck as the lads would normally be in at this time. Anyway as I’m cursing my luck the little fecker decides to do his party trick. What’s that you ask? Well not only does he hiss, blow up his stomach, scratch you with razor sharp claws or bite you with his potty mouth but he also has the biggest dump of all time all over me. I can’t even explain the stench from him as I’m feeling quesy just thinking about it but suffice to say it wasn’t pleasant. I’m standing on the porch of their room with a Rock Monitor in my hand and covered in shite! Pretty funny to be honest and next thing who pops around the corner? James “Pretty Boy,” Slade with a look of bewilderment on his face. Oh I forgot to say, I let go of the Monitor when he shat on me for obvious reasons so it’s a great defensive strategy. I regale the story to a doubled over audience. The joke was most definitely on me!



Playing with Scorpions.
I was looking through my books the other night and trying to sort out my gear as the end is getting near here. I pulled one book out from the corner and I see a little bit of movement in the corner of my eye. I investigate a bit further as you’ve gotta do over here and I find a big Scorpion ready to give me a little nip. I’ve posted a picture of him for you to look at. Another successful capture and release by team Tigertamer!

Life in the slow lane

“Gone fishin, how you know? Cause there’s a sign upon the door.”

Myself and the Scot Kevin “Left Bollock,” McCulloch went fishing for Rainbow Trout today. It was a great day out. We didn’t fly fish as we were fishing in a lake but it was great craic nonetheless. The water was pretty murky and the fishing was pretty easy to be honest. I think there’s an old expression about shooting fish in a barrel. Well that would have been appropriate. We didn’t even need the dynamite the Kev brought with him just in case!

This year has been a first in many respects and today I landed and cooked my first Trout. All in the day cost us a tenner and that was for 7 fish. I’d say you would pay top dollar for a meal like that in Dublin and we paid less than the price of two pints. Don’t know how much Mellon Balls is charging in the Palace nowadays but I think we got better value for money either way! We cooked the fish in foil on a Braai with a little butter, some lemon sides and a little salt and pepper. It was amazing. The meat literally fell off the bones for us and we both agreed that it had been our best ever tasting fish.



Walking with Lions (Well Lion Cubs anyway)


“Fixer,” rang me to tell me that Moholoholo the animal rehab centre had gotten their hands on 2 abandoned Lion Cubs (Duma and Tembi). “Fixer,” (Moses from my class) works there and he reckoned we could go and see them. Well this would be a once in a life time chance to go and see if we could spend some time with them. I arranged to go in the morning and it ended up being a great day out. At first the General Manager was reluctant to let us in to see them but we eventually got the nod and we spent about a half an hour with them. They were beautiful and it was amazing how like the adults they are. The claws are so well developed already and I have a nice few scrapes as reminders of my encounter. They are teething at the moment and biting everything but you’ve got to scold them just like dogs and teach them not to bite. (For obvious reasons)

I can see why Born Free, the film was such an inspiration for many all those years ago. I’ll never forget my brief encounter and I hope the two males grow up and have a happy life. Unfortunately they’ll probably never see the wilds of Africa but at least they’ve been given a chance for a life. I bumped into, or rather Jabu (The abandoned baby White Rhino) bumped into me as well in the park. I had seen him about 3 weeks previously when Alex was over. He’s grown a lot bigger now and he has a lot more energy. He is beautiful and very innocent at the moment. He is so inquisitive unlike his mate Mkumbi who is a bit more chilled out and was taking a snooze when I was there. Jabu was tasting my shoes and my new pants. It’s amazing to think that he will grow to be over 2 tonnes in weight over the next 20 years. I don’t think you’d like to get bumped by him when he’s older! Another amazing experience in Africa. Dublin Zoo eat your heart out!

Like Dublin Bus

They say that everything comes in three’s. I’m beginning to think the old expression has more and more substance as I get older. 3 Wild Dog sightings in three days. We hadn’t seen a single dog for four and a half months. It’s a bit strange all the same. The sighting the other day was amazing. I had to stop the car on the way to Kruger for a big Bull Elephant and then a Wild Dog. In the middle of the road. Unlike Louis at home however, these dogs actually have a bit of cop on and get off the road if they see a car coming. Not that they moved very far. They just plopped themselves down at the side of the road and took an auld snooze. Sure it was seven O’clock and they had probably been up since half four!

Just when you think you’ve seen it all, another surprise pops up. We were on our way out of the College when we see 3 Giraffe( Tower of Giraffe ) munching on an old Buffalo carcass. Now I’ve read about this phenomenon known as osteophagia in books but didn’t think I’d see it from ten metres and so close to home! We were actually on our way out for the day when this happened. We were going out on a drive to the Panorama route. I don’t think that SA has the unique title to a Panorama route as I think myself and the Quirke went on one down south around Melbourne direction in Oz a good few years ago. I think they call it the same thing. There are the 12 Apostles and 3 sisters and a few other aptly named rock structures. Well SA has the 3 Rondavels. They are quite scenic actually. We continued on to see another look out point called God’s window but unfortunately God didn’t have the window wipers on today. We couldn’t see a thing as there was a thick mass of mist at the top of the mountain. We did offer to keep Gods window clean but no one was listening!

We headed off back in the direction of home but we came upon an interesting sign for a place called Echo Caves. We went in to reception and a surprised and confused guy in reception asked us “You actually want to see the Caves?” The omens were bad! A lady called Victoria offered to show us around. She was quite a good guide. Aside from the fact that she would intermittently snort like a Warthog. I was waiting for her to hock one up! I think it’s an African thing as some of the lads in our class do it as well. It was a first though to hear a girl doing it and obviously the auld sound resonance in the caves didn’t help her cause! As I said already, she was quite entertaining with her simplified version of the momentous events that led to the discovery of the caves. I’ll leave that till another day. She did point out the “Bat shit,” to us though and told us that it was “very dirty.” As we moved through the cave she did point out a piece of rock that looked like a face of someone with a beard. She suggested to us that it could be “Bin Laden.” She also told us earlier that she was bringing a bus load of tourists from Iran down to the chambers later on that afternoon. I forgot to tell her not to use the Bin Laden joke with them!

How to catch breakfast

At last we got it.

It’s taken the guts of five months but eventually we see Wild Dogs on the college grounds. And boy what a sight. After getting up at four O'Clock and all the whingeing and moaning that goes with the unearthly hour. It proved to be worth the effort. We had just stopped to clear some trees that an inconsiderate! Elephant had knocked down into our path when we heard a yelping sound. Danielle was just off the tracker seat and we all yelled in unison, “Wild Dog!” I think she got a good fright and hopped back onto the seat.

There is a documentary series produced by the BBC called Planet Earth. Now this documentary series is in one word “amazing.” In one episode based in Africa the team tries to shoot a scene of Wild Dogs hunting. It can be notoriously difficult because for the most part the dogs hunt at such a pace and they generally hunt through inhospitable terrain where most vehicles can’t follow. The BBC used a helicopter to try and catch the hunt. They actually filmed unsuccessfully for nearly two weeks without getting the shots and then suddenly they had it. One morning everything just clicked for them. It gives you an idea about how difficult it can be to either find them and of course to see them in hunting mode.

Our photos and video came and fell into our lap! We had spotted their spoor about a kilometre back on a game path. It looked quite fresh and the other group had been lucky enough to see four dogs in the area the day before. Then suddenly a big Alpha Male Wild Dog brought down an Impala right in front of our eyes. The Impala were running and stotting for their lives in front of us. The other members of the pack continued on with the chase and probably caught another Impala further along. We wouldn’t have been able to chase the rest of the group but luckily for us we didn’t have to. The female Impala was torn to shreds in front of us. It turns out that she was pregnant and the foetus was quite well developed. I guess its nature at its cruelest. The Wild Dogs have been described as the most efficient carnivores on the continent. They have a success rate on each hunt of well over 60 per cent which when you compare to the bigger cats is phenomenal. Lions for example only succeed in about 20 % of their hunts. We sat there as the male tucked into his bounty. He wolfed down as much of the innards as he could and then just as suddenly as he shown up he was gone. They have an acute sense of hearing and maybe he could hear danger approaching. We sat there in awe of what we had just seen. There was a nervous excitement rippling through the group and then we heard the unmistakable roars of Lions. We listened intently for a few minutes and heard them roaring from not that far away to our East. Suddenly as we were watching the abandoned carcass from a safe distance a flash of tawny coloured fur appeared to rip the carcass from the ground and drag it along the ground. It was a female Lion that had just sprinted out of the brush. I don’t know if the commotion of the kill had given the position away or the smell from the very fresh carcass but it took her less than ten minutes to locate the dead Impala.

Unfortunately as we were about to turn and go back and watch the scavenged carcass, another vehicle arrived. It was the Ngala reserve camp vehicle with 3 guests on board. They couldn’t possibly have tracked the dogs so well as to just come upon the scene so we reckoned it was just pot luck. The bored looking guests were in for a nice surprise but we had to leave the scene. I suppose we had been lucky to see the Wild Dog but it was tinged with a slight feeling of regret that we couldn’t watch the Lioness eat her bounty. It would have made the day even more special but I guess we should be happy with a very rare and unique moment!

In da Bush

We spent 4 nights out in the Bush. Now this was proper bush. We camped on a dry river bed and had to have night watches for Lions, Leopards, Hyaena’s and Elephants. It was pretty cool and we went on long walks during the days. We came across loads of dead carcasses along the river bank and at one point we literally stumpled onto a fresh Kudo kill. The animal hadn’t even been preyed upon yet so it would just literally have been killed. It was some adrenalin buzz and that was definitely the highlight for me. I prefer the walking part of the experience because you can stop and listen for sounds without having an annoying diesel engine in the background and obviously you are at eye level with everything and it makes things more real. We also did our assessment for our rifle accuracy and I missed my test by 2 points. The auld cross eyed ness definitely caught up with me on this occasion. It was a great experience though to shoot such high calibre rifles. We were shooting a .458 this time which is pretty big. There was a savage kick back from it and one of the girls knocked herself off her feet with one shot early on. That was pretty funny.




Chimp Eden

We took a trip down to a place called Chimp Eden on Monday. Our friend the Yank wanted to see the place as she wants to work there. She only wants to work there because there is a programme on Animal Planet in the States set there and it’s really popular. It was a good way to spend the day and the Chimps have been rescued from all manner of cruelty in their previous lives. Most of the entrance fee goes to Chimp rescue so it was good to be able to contribute. Jane Goodall runs the project and they’ve successfully rescued over 100 Chimps at this stage so it’s been a great success. The funniest moment of the day had to be when the lady at the reception asked me whether “Special One,” was over 14! The guy is 25! I told her that he was my son!

Small World


It’s a small World. We had a bit of a blow out on Saturday night and we felt a bit the worse for wear on Sunday. Myself and Pretty Boy left the reserve with the lads. The two South African lads at the other campus gave us a lift in their Pajero to Hoedspruit. We hoped to get a taxi on to the college and bed after. Jason the guy driving thinks he’s a formula one rally driver. He flew us to Hoedspruit in extra fast time. I don’t think the Pajero at home would be able for him. He ripped the living shite out of the thing. Pardon the French! We got a taxi half way and had to try and hitch the rest of the way. We were there for a good while as loads of cars passed us by. In fairness we weren’t looking at our best after 5 days in the bush and one on the razz so I can’t blame anyone for not stopping. Eventually though a car pulled over. A father and son that were heading a bit of the way. It was better than nothing so we took the lift and got chatting. It turns out that the younger fella was home for a holiday while his father lives in the area. I asked him where he was living and to my surprise he said Guernsey reserve. That’s where myself and Alex stayed for her holiday. One thing leads into another and it turns out that he actually owned the lodge we stayed at and lives in another house on the reserve. I had been talking about the guy to Tom the field guide in Pezulu Lodge when I was there. The guy seemed really sound and he was talking about his micro lighting business. It turns out that I’m supposed to go to that lodge in January on my placement.



Don’t give that man a gun!

Well folks, it’s official. I am legally competent to operate a rifle in South Africa. We did our theory test today. We are approved by the Safety authority of South Africa. My SA experience gets funnier every day. We went to take the test today and we were given our test papers and then the registrar gives us all the answers. So people have been slagging me about my last test result of 92%. Well in this one lads I got a guaranteed 100%! I knew it was gonna happen at some stage but didn’t realize it would take me till my thirties to get it. Oh and Steve (Peanut trading Keating) it wasn’t “multiple choice.”

You gotta love this country. It’s full of comical moments. One of the questions in the test was how long is immediately. No you didn’t read that wrong but officially in South Africa according to the government, immediately means “by the end of the next normal working business day.” That’s what we had to write down for the answer. Sometimes I think that we’re actually efficient in Ireland!

Man eating Elephants!

Driving test queue Take 3!!!

I went up to Graskop again on Thursday night stroke Friday morning to make a booking for my driving test. We arrived to the test centre at 8 PM on the Thursday night with sleeping bags en tow. There were 4 people ahead of us so it seemed we were in luck. That meant that we would be 5 and 6 in the queue. We settled down for what was for me to be a sleepless night. The local lads didn’t shut until 2 am and then the snoring started. Add to that the drone of mozzies and you get an idea of what it was like to settle in. The local lads woke at 5 am as well so there wasn’t much sleep to be had. The test centre opened at a quarter to eight. So by the time things started to happen at the centre, we had been queuing for over 12 hours. Unfortunately there weren’t any cheap holidays or bargains to be got at the end of it!

A couple of guys arrived at just after seven at the centre and I started to get an ominous feeling that we were going to be shafted again. They started to make phone calls and the supervisor who we had seen turn away people the other day made contact with them before he took in the 7 people in the queue. I wasn’t very happy about that at the time and as he started to let people in through the gate he stopped me to look at my papers. He told me that they weren’t the right ones for this test centre and let the other two guys in behind me. I was livid as you can imagine but this is Africa and unfortunately these things happen all the time. At least “Fixer,” or “Lack of Fixing as I call him now,” was allowed to book his test for next week. I’m back to square one and am at the stage where I couldn’t be arsed with it any more. I’ll deal with the consequences down the line.

Our Librarian Laura was having a going away party on the Friday night and it was a fancy dress party. I wasn’t really in the humour for it after the waste of time the night before but I snapped myself out of the bad vibe when I saw some of the costumes that people were wearing. It was a great night and I’ve attached some great pics!

We went to an Elephant sanctuary today and were able to lead two Elephants and feed them by hand. It was a wicked experience. They are such gentle giants and I can’t emphasize the word Giant enough. It’s a lucky thing that Elephants aren’t carnivores or we’d be in trouble.